Once more into the relatively unknown.

It never ceases to amaze me just how much transitioning to the beginning of two rounds of night shift from the customary two rounds of day shift blows...and rest assured, it blows like the mighty winds. I've mentioned before that BlogSpot is blocked on the computers here at work...can't have those social networking websites bringing down productivity.

Antiproductive behaviors will find a way, and as such I'm bringing you this post in all-new, all-mediocre e-mail styles. It's pushing 6:00am right now (about ten minutes away from, actually), and I'm faced with the realization that I don't have anything Earth-shattering to share with you, my loyal reader(s?), but I can't see a reason in the world why I can't help you with your own antiproductive behaviors by subjecting you to my fatigue-induced ramblings. If I can help one person waste at least five minutes of their day on pointless drivel on the masses of the internet, I feel as though I've done my part to help society. It's what I do, I'm a helpful sort of fellow.

If you're reading this, your probably already know that I'm in the security industry. The nuclear security industry, to be exact. For the sake of this little bit of anonymity that I have under the pseudonym of John Q. Public, I can't tell those of you who don't know me WHAT nuke plant I work at, or what company I work for...but it's a big one. My job is anywhere between one hour of work and eleven hours of boredom, or four hours of work and eight hours of boredom. I get paid for what I know in this industry. I know SWAT tactics, I know the ins-and-outs of this plant, I know the defensive strategy for the plant I work at, and I know it's weak spots. I don't get paid to DO, I get paid to KNOW what to do in the unlikely event of attack. For what I do, I get paid better than I've ever been paid before (however in all fairness, the plant I work for is the lowest paid plant in the area...our highest pay grade is where most plants START their pay grades), but I've decided it's not what I want.

I want a 9-5 job. Something behind a desk in an air conditioned office would be nice. I've grown accustomed to such fineries as air conditioning, and I'm not entirely certain I'm willing to give them up. I want something where I can feel like I'm contributing to my family (small though it is right now, consisting of a wife, two cats, and a dog...though in a few years we're wanting to upgrade to having a kid) without having to be absent all the time. I don't see my wife enough. Half of the month I don't sleep in the same bed with her. We share a bed, but at different times. The other half of the month, I mostly only see her in bed while I'm closing my eyes to get my few hours of sleep that night. Weekends off are a special treat to me, because I get to see the woman I love.

I'm always scared my boss is going to call me up and slap me with a mandatory day of overtime. I don't take overtime in general, I see little enough of my wife and family (not just the pets, but brothers and parents) as it is, I don't want to miss out on a potential time to see them. Somebody else wants the OT, let them have mine...but sometimes there aren't enough bodies to cover the requirements for our needs, so mandatory overtime gets handed out. I'm almost certain I'm next on the list.

Each time I think about these things I'm reminded of the opportunities I've missed out on due to my lack of education. I've got a semester of tech school under my belt, but it seems as though that's not enough to cut it when the requirements for any type of good job dictate that you have to have at least a Bachelor's Degree.

Not going to school for so long has let me build up debt that I could have done without had I not had the time or means to build it. The longer I've stayed out of college, the more my debt has amassed, and as such makes me doubt that I can afford to go back and learn. My wife is convinced that we can make it work, but I worry about it. If I go back to school as I plan to do in January, my responsibilities don't disappear, and they don't wait. I barely scrape by with the amount of money I make now. If I go back to school I'll have to take another job, and a pay cut.

There's a way out. I know there is, I just have to find it and make it work...and I have until January to do it. If I don't I'll be stuck here. Then who will be the father to my children while I'm at work all night so they have food to eat? Who will snuggle with my wife when I'm working all night long so we don't scrape by?

I don't have to do this for me...I can live with the job, miserable though it is. I have to do this for my family now and the family that will be...because they deserve better than what I can give them right now.

My parents were right, education opens doors. In January, I'm finding a way to get that key.

See my lonely life explode...