It didn't start out that bad. We'd planned to drive up to Charlotte from Columbia, SC (about an hour and a half) to go to SouthPark Mall. I had an appointment with a "Genius" (what they call their on-site tech support staff) at the Apple store in that mall (which is the closest Apple store to Columbia) to see about a repair for my out of warranty second generation iPod Touch. The home key had decided to be broken, and I needed to have it's attitude adjusted so it would be subservient to me once more. I made my appointment online for 12:45 on a Saturday, and after walking around the mall for a while to take it all in (which I'll discuss further later) I was seen promptly at 12:45, for which I give the employees credit. Punctuality earns you points in my book.
While making my appointment, I took the opportunity to find out just what I needed to know about going up to see the Geniuses at Apple and what to expect. The following excerpt is taken DIRECTLY from Apple.com:
What should I expect from my appointment?
At the beginning of your session, you’ll be invited to take a seat at the Genius Bar and place your equipment on the counter. The Genius working with you gathers information about your system to resolve your issues and answer your questions. If your product requires repair, the Genius discusses your repair options, explains any applicable charges, and checks in your equipment for repair. Expect the session to last about 15 minutes — more, if the issue requires it.
Having read this, I expected fully that I would be able to take my iPod to the Geniuses and they would take it in a back room, do some sort of magical hocus-pocus voodoo to it and make it back right again, at which time I would jump in the air and click my heels together in modest glee. I was mistaken. VERY VERY mistaken to the point of ire and quiet frustration. I was told the following:
"Basically, what's happened here is the Home key is either stuck or overly sensitive. You can trade it in and we'll give you one of the same model for $140, or you can see the sales staff to turn this model in for recycling and we'll give you 10% off of a new model."
"So what are the options for repair?" I asked calmly, refusing to be swayed.
"I'm afraid there are none. We don't even do repairs here. I suppose you can call and Apple might can do something for you." was his reply.
That kinda frustrated me. I might have been wrong to assume, but I interpreted that including repair options in the "what to expect" section of your FAQ meant that repair options would be included. Silly me. It bears mention that it cost me the better part of half a tank of gas to get up there and back, when it would have cost me $30 to get the call in to Apple which would have told me the same thing (presumably). Steve Jobs, you're a money making Jewish son of a bitch, and I can't hate you for it, but now I'm stuck with a broken iPod that I can do one of two things with: bust it open and try to fix it myself, or pay for somebody to fix it for me at a local shop that may or may not exist.
Despite this foray into the disappointing, the trip wasn't a TOTAL loss. We backed away from our planned late lunch at The Cheesecake Factory because frankly, rubbing elbows with the Charlotte Society's upper crust over good but overpriced food just wasn't sitting well with the spousal unit and me. We instead opted for the food court, which was far more reasonably priced and with the same loud "people talking over one another" atmosphere that you can expect any time you eat out in public...and of course in the food court you're eating with normal people, and I don't have to see overpaid douchebags in expensive shirts with the top two buttons undone and their greased up faux-hawk hairdos (no, dude. You don't look cool, you look like you want to date rape a sorority girl ten years younger than you and hope she never tells).
We hit up the Godiva chocolate shop, which I haven't been to since they closed the one in our local mall here the better part of ten years ago. We spent $20 on truffles that tasted like what you would expect Heaven to taste like if you dipped an existential glop of it in molten chocolate and let it harden. We found a really nice upscale book store up there that puts Barnes and Noble to shame by not having a Starbucks in there, but instead incorporating a wine bar. We even had a book signed by the author (which the wife read all the way home) while we were there.
All in all, it wasn't a bad trip. I enjoyed going out of town for a few hours with the woman I married, got to see what a proper mall should look like as opposed to the rinkydink malls we have around here, and generally enjoyed myself. When all is said and done, really I think I only have one thing to say:
"Fuck you Apple, for your horrible and misleading customer service and FAQ regarding expectations. I hate you now."
Rotten bloody apples, I say.
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